Did I ever tell you about the time years and years ago when our young neighbor down the street was having an affair? You’d be surprised what you’re privy to when you keep your eyes open.
We didn’t know her at all, but when you’re an observant person…you see things other average Joes, just don’t see. Hubby deployed or some such thing, and pretty soon a shiny new truck and a shiny new young man started coming around. Then he started staying.
Well, my husband has a knack for coming up with nicknames for people. He crowned the shiny young man, “Porn Star”. Along with a tune of “bow chicka wow wow”, every time the shiny young man drove by. Well, Porn Star had his own business and he provided a service we needed. So my husband thought, “What the heck, I’ll throw this guy some business.” Now, I had never seen this guy close up so I had no idea it was actually Porn Star that came to our house to give us an estimate.
While we were talking over plans he made a few comments about the young wife down the street and the neighborhood, but was so vague, I thought he was just a friend of the couple or an employee of Porn Star.
Well, as you can probably guess, I was very curious about how the husband disappeared and the shiny new young man just showed up. It was a mystery we needed solved! So I said a couple of things in a round about way like, “Yeah, we noticed the husband deployed and now some other dude is hanging around. So how’s that panning out with the husband?”
Oh yes I did.
He was silent. Or maybe he mumbled a couple of things, I’ve tried to forget. But I do remember the look my husband gave me. That slight look of horror mixed with a large dose of humorous smirk…because I had stuck my foot in my mouth and he probably couldn’t wait to see how I was going to get it out. Once the realization hit me…. you know that hot wave you get from your toes all the way up to your head? I had one of those and immediately thought, “Oh CRAP. Well, I’m glad he already gave us our estimate.” And I didn’t say another word. In fact, I think I may have laughed. Because really, what else are you supposed to do at that point?
Our conversation ended very quickly after that and about an hour later the doorbell rang. I peeked out the kitchen window and sure enough, it was Porn Star.
Bow Chica Wow Wow!
And of course, my husband was nowhere to be found. So I opened up the door with a bright cheery smile and he handed me another estimate and said that after our conversation he realized there was “No Way” he would be able to provide the service for what he had originally offered.
He doubled it.
I laughed again, and silently (THIS time) thought, “Hmmm…well isn’t that interesting…” After a good laugh we ended up hiring another guy. “Harley Guy”, who did it for a fraction of Porn Star’s original bid. Deployed Hubby never returned. Not long after that, Porn Star and, “Variety is The Spice of Life” young lady, moved on to another more unsuspecting and less inquisitive neighborhood I guess.
Grain & Dairy Free Spice Cakes
*Preheat oven to 350 degrees
1 Cup of Coconut Flour
3/4 Cup of Sweet Potato Flour
1 Cup of Coconut Sugar
2 teaspoons of Double Acting Baking Powder
1/8 teaspoon of Sea Salt
1 Tablespoon of Pumpkin Pie Spice
1/2 Cup of Dairy Free Soy Free Butter
1 1/2 teaspoons of Pure Almond Extract
1 Cup + 1/2 Cup (measured separately) Full Fat Coconut Milk
Measure the dry ingredients into a stand mixer and whisk to combine. Add the butter, eggs, almond extract, and 1 Cup of the coconut milk. Beat until fully incorporated, scraping down sides once or twice. Allow the batter to rest while you place cupcake liners into a tin (18). Add the remaining 1/2 cup coconut milk and beat until fully incorporated. Fill muffin cups 3/4 full and bake for 20 minutes.
**I made a simple powdered sugar/butter frosting…that ended up being a dance of add more of this and add more of that and then I had to toss it and make another batch. So I will let you figure the measurements for your frosting, or you can go here and use these measurements. I used powdered sugar, dairy free butter, pumpkin pie spice, and a little coconut milk in mine. I also sprinkled them with Maple Sugar Nuggets.